When we consider domestic abuse, we usually think about the harm done to the victim herself. In addition to the wife and mother who has been abused, domestic abuse also affects children, even if they are not being directly abused.
The following examples given below are not only found in scientific literature but are also things seen first hand by our advocates or shared with our advocates by their abused mothers. All examples are shared with permission.
Some of the examples given are common trauma responses from witnessing or hearing abuse perpetrated against their mother. Others are more directly connected to living in an abusive environment with a father who is mistreating their mother. Growing up in this environment will affect these children even into their adult years, but today we focus on the immediately noticeable, short-term effects of domestic abuse in these children’s lives.
This list should not be used to determine whether there is abuse present in a household, nor is it an exhaustive list of potential effects that domestic violence has on children. However, each example given involves a real child, a wounded little lamb in our midst.
• Vacant stare, trying to escape reality, dissociation
• Sons disrespecting their mothers
• Reverting to bedwetting
• Extreme anxiety
• Very young boys proclaiming that they are the man of the house and need to protect their mother.
• Confusion (“I love dad but I don’t love it when he screams at Mom.”)
• Confusion (“Dad says Mom isn’t submitting and that’s why they aren’t together anymore.”)
• Guilt (“Maybe if I would just behave better, Dad wouldn’t get so angry and hurt mom.”)
• Guilt (“It’s so peaceful now that Dad is gone, but I probably shouldn’t think that.”)
• Frequent bathroom accidents beginning in older children, after years of no accidents at all
• Panic attacks
• Reacting violently to small frustrations
• Reverting to sucking fingers or a blankie
• Stunted emotional development
As we consider how to help victims of domestic abuse in our midst, remember that they are also trying to help their hurting children. Let’s surround these children and their mothers with our love and care, as part of the body of Christ caring for each other.
“He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.”
Isaiah 40:11
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